Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
