I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
