proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Also, beer. Big fan.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
