i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
