And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
