New low: just hacked my moms facebook
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I fill condoms, not promises.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Randomize
