I just pynch a tree in the face
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
