Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
