She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
