I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
