Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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