return my video game
actually, I'm a sock model
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
