i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
