While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
the condom got lost in my hair
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize