his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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