hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
