She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
