Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
My ass is underappreciated
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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