You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
