At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
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