This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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