You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
