did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
