I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i think i have two assholes
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
