and next time when you feel me up, do it right
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
