Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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