wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
