Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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