I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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