So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
as a side note pls kill me
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
