Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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