you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize