somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
