There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
