You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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