everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
