I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize