i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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