you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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