I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
