You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
