We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
