Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
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