Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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