You're my little dorito
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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