Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
nutella sex= disaster
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
