First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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