I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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