Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
