At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Don't tell me you're on acid again
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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