im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
