Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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