Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Boobs are out for the taking
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
