Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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