I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
