also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
