So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
