i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
