VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize