it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
