I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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