i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
