Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
