Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
