you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
