I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
