Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
