why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
