my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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