im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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