I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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