Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
