Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
