What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
