I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
