So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
