Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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