She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
