I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
