After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
