her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
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