you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
