I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
