I think scott just propositioned me for sex
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize