capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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