I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
