He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
