Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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