smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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