first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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