im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize