I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
