Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
