so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
